The Train to Chiang Mai.

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I hate planning. Maybe that’s why my social life is about as awesome as a Japanese fighting fish. I hate itineraries and reservations. What if you want to take it all in but you have to leave? What if you are ready to move on but you booked more nights? No freedom I say! and that’s exactly how I ended up drunk in a dark chamber of a shaky train in the jungle. My parents had recently taken the same train and recommended the nice air conditioned sleeper rooms with a private bathroom, but due to my inability to prebook I ended up in a sweaty windowless berth.
It also didnt help that I boarded the train after 8 straight hours of drinking with my uncle and other various old white men. The tuk tuk took me to the station, charging me double but I was in no mood to argue over what ended up being $2. I scrambled to the train, found my bed and drifted away to passout land. I had a dream about a crazy earthquake that was taking place in my apartment and thats when I woke up and eventually realized it was just the jerky train,
The train was described to me as a modern japanese train with electric outlets and a fun club cart to mingle with others.
Maybe it was just an off day but the train was just as I imagined and less how everyone else had described it. I was assigned to a top bunk of camp-style stacked beds that were each covered by green tarps and a rotating fan that made contact with me approximately once every 3 seconds.
The night had me restless and soaking wet from sweat. I walked up to the club cart and was denied access. The cozy empty open windowed cart looked like heaven as the scary employee screamed “go back to your bed!”
I made a stop at the toilet which had an odor that resembled a coachella port o potty day 3. Just a hole in the floor dividing me from the open tracks.
The next morning when I woke up, the darkness turned to pure luscious jungle and I had to get out of my dark bunk cave. I entered the club car once more where scary lady said “you cant sit here unless you eat!!”
Perfect, I thought. Totally doable.
“Ill eat! Ill eat anything you have ” I told her in pathetic desperation.
“You eat in your bed! Go back to your bed! ”
Is this lady serious? I thought.
I snuck back into the putrid toilet simply to look out the window momentarily then I made my way back to my sad cave.
Scary lady brought me a bowl of porridge and while I anticipated every 3 seconds of fan contact in my 5 x 2 foot bed, eating the white slop I totally daydreamed that I was in a thai prison.
Finally I had reached my wits end. I built up the anger inside and went once more to the ‘club’ car.
It was a different lady. She had missing teeth and looked mean. Can I buy a water? She didnt understand.
“Chang beer?” I made a compromise with myself.
She reluctantly handed me a beer.
“30 baht.” (A little under 1 us dollar)
I handed her 40.
“Keep the change” I said.
“Ahhhh! Kop koon kahhhh” she said while bowing her head.
She immediately walked me to a seat and suddenly everything was amazing. She brought me soup and mangoes and chili and opened my window so wide that all of my hair was blowing back.
I spent the duration of the trip in that seat in the otherwise empty car. My buddy occasionally sat up from her chair nap offering me so many mangoes I couldnt take anymore.
The jungle was beautiful. At one point I glanced at some cables strewn on poles passing by and BAM! There was the most beautiful tropical bird, straight off of a cereal box. We often brushed against these trees with yellow flowers that would come loose and shower the train in a frenzy of yellow petals.
Sometimes we would pass slowly through small villages where roosters and dogs would run alongside the train while my club car buddy would throw loaves of bread out to them.
It was just past 1pm when we suddenly pulled into our destination chiang rai and I got off the train with no direction.
This is it, I thought. I am now officially alone. So now what?

I am suddenly aware of my weak thigh muscles and lack of coordination

Gpd help me. For all I desire is a little fresh air

Gpd help me. For all I desire is a little fresh air

Ahhhh the 10bahts to freedom and better living

Ahhhh the 10bahts to freedom and better living. I am looking a little better since my prison release

Gorgeous Trees passing by

Gorgeous Trees passing by

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